It Cuts Like A Knife

Thanks to the picture I've seen with him and her holding each others hands
After all that's what I want them to be
It doesn't matter if I'm hurt, I deserve it anyway.

I was happy at first, I've been able to accept all the lies between us,
Because I was overwhelmed with my love towards this person,
Now, all left to myself are blues.

I want to break it, cause I can't stand it anymore,
I can't stand being just an option, being just an extra,
This person makes me feel special but it isn't enough,

I am in pain, misery, my life turns miserable,
I always cry at night, hating myself why all this time,
All this time I can't let go

But I should start, start to absorb everything,
Everything that aren't meant to be,
Everything that causes me so much in pain.

Why is my Life so Unfair

I know those optimistic people would not want to read this one, or perhaps this entire blog because its all about the negative, downfalls, blues of my life. Well, I have nothing to write about happiness yet cause I am miserable at this point in my life. Yet, I am so wishful, all the happiness I deserve will show up sometime soon, maybe just not now.

I rarely smile and or laugh even when I am with friends. I just couldn't hide how lonely it is to be me. How sad my life was and has been. Bullied when I was a child, deprived as I grow and get older. Now, I am so in the age to absorbed and realize how unfair my life is.

I am in Great Heartbreak

I am crying again because of the same person who makes me smile. I am happy when I am with him but it totally sucks to know from the very start that we were not meant to be. :( It's suicidal.

I Was Wrong

You said you wanted to see me
So I made a way to see you,
You waited for me for how many hours
So I immediately have to come to you,

You called you ask if can still come
I said yes I am on my way to you,
When I came, I wonder I couldn't find you!
So I was trying to call you?

Several calls from me to you
But still no response, what happened to you?
Did you already left?
Did you left me alone at the middle of the night where there are many strangers?

I was about to cry still calling you, wondering why you couldn't answer so I presumed you were already home lying in bed whilst me still here couldn't believe what you've done.

I couldn't take it anymore, I said I hate you and after this night I wouldn't even show to you, never!
I am giving up and this will be the last call, surprisingly you answered!

"you fell asleep in the corner waiting for me"
I wanted to cry cause I thought you left me alone.
I was wrong! I should have believed you love me more than I do. :)
Finally I can hug you...

I Think, I Deserve a Reward!

You get a massage every weekend? I don't but I work more than 10 hours a day seated. Imagine how it hurts my back. You get a facial treatment once or twice a month? I don't but I do have awful blemishes. You get a nice dinner with your family or significant other every once in a while or perhaps often? I don't cause we cannot afford a family dinner. We rather buy food stuffs we can stock at home. You go outside the country just to relax?

You get all this? You're pretty lucky and I am so jealous. I'm not going to be hypocrite. In all honesty, I am so jealous as there were a lot of things I wish to have but couldn't afford to possess. Of course I should be thankful for all the things I already have but to be frank, my heart cries for all those pleasure in life. There will always be some missing pieces that you know yourself would make you happy at some point. 

I wish I could plan an out of town vacation for myself. I deserve a break! I want to unwind and shout the stress all out near the ocean. Feel the breeze and the amazing sound of the waves dancing over the shore. I want to relax, and have a day or two of peacefulness.